If only it were as warm as this looks.

Unemployment makes staying home easy. Frigid temperatures make it even easier. So yesterday afternoon, around 5:30, I faced the biggest decision of my day. Do I bundle up and brave the cold for a subway ride to the West Side (an hour’s trip door to door), or do I play a DVD from Netflix (Family Guy, Season 6, Disc 3, with all the bonus features)? Sounds like a no-brainer… go with the fat guy, talking dog and occasionally diabolical baby. I opted for hypothermia and the MTA, which turned out to be the right choice.

Fordham University – my business school alma mater – held a panel discussion entitled “Layoff Survival Guide.” It was all about proper techniques for panhandling. Topics included…

• Street corner as office – coping with a change of environment.
• Starbucks or Dunkin’ Donuts – what coffee cup puts people in the giving mood and why.
• Dress for success – pathetic-looking clothing need not sacrifice warmth or comfort.
• Failed banker or bank failure – optimize your story to maximize your earnings.

Sorry, I got sidetracked. Too much Family Guy makes me think in asides.

The panel discussion was all about how to deal with a layoff. You may be wondering why I wasn’t on the panel, given my league-leading layoff tally and hard-earned expertise. I wondered the same thing. But the invited panelists turned out to know a thing or two themselves. They offered more advice than “think about going back to school or an online university.” I was content to listen and learn from the third row.

The panel consisted of Merrill Lynch financial advisers Anthony Russo and Kim Potvin, employment attorney Andy Karamouzis and career coach Alan Cohen. Anthony started it off with his personal story quickly followed by a few very important (if obvious) tips. The most important (and most obvious) is to examine your budget and expenses. Any laid-off business school grad should think of and take care of this in the first week of unemployment. But any financial adviser worth his spreadsheets would be remiss if he didn’t lead with this tip. He also emphasized the need to rollover and reallocate 401Ks. People accumulate multiple accounts as they go from job to job, and let the market skew their investments what direction they will. While organizing your financial house is a convenient time to consolidate and recalibrate. This tip seemed a little self-serving (so you’re reinvesting… we can help), though also logical and relevant. Retirement accounts are assets and should be considered in any financial self-examination.

Kim summed up her story and continued the retirement discussion before yielding the floor to Andy the employment lawyer. His first point was something I’ve harped on in this blog – file for unemployment insurance. Again, this is Unemployment 101-type stuff, but very important. Don’t leave free money on the table. Swallow any lingering pride; overcome the creeping laziness. I was surprised to learn that some audience members thought the government tries to trick people out of unemployment. Let’s dispel this notion right now. Filing for unemployment is quick, easy and straightforward in most cases. Basically any laid-off worker can do it. No one is out to deprive you, barring the occasional vindictive former company who won’t validate a claim. And the big, bad government doesn’t have it in for you as an individual. You, personally, are not that important.

Alan the career coach finished things up, which made perfect sense given the trajectory of a layoff. Whereas the first three speakers focused on getting your jobless ducks in a row, he looked ahead to bigger, better ponds. His outlook was upbeat, and his advice sage. Get over the perceived stigma of being laid off; it probably wasn’t your fault. And get beyond the notion that a job defines a person; this is a narrow view of an individual. Then examine what was appealing about previous jobs and use that as a lens to focus your energy in the right direction. The trick, as he put it, is not to believe a company is right for you just because you need a job. This resonated with me. As a job search drags on, the group of “right” companies and industries always seems to grow. Desperation leads to bad decisions. Of course, desperation is sometimes justified.

Audience members interrupted each of the speakers with questions, which gave them avenues for expanding and directing the conversation. But in business school, and in life, I suppose, the alpha, ME ME ME types tend to dominate. And mostly they just want to talk about themselves. One woman seemed to have three different jobs yet was contemplating giving them all up to collect unemployment (WTF?). She asked questions so specific to her own situation that no one could understand let alone answer them. I’m not sure she even understood. Some people had more insightful comments and questions that surfaced information I didn’t know. These were the highlights for me…

• Severance packages are not required by law, at least in New York state. Most employment agreements are entered into by an employer and an employee at will. Either party can terminate the relationship at any time. Severances are a gesture of goodwill and come with a waiver that releases the company from any future damages.
• Severances are always negotiable. With a strong case and a light touch, they can be improved. The worst a company can do is say no, and then beat you with the nearest blunt object – likely a stapler, so watch out for those Swinglines.
• Don’t take what’s not yours. What’s done in a work capacity belongs to the company. This includes proprietary information and contacts.
• If laid off, get a letter from that employer stating the reason for your departure (e.g. money issues, corporate downsizing, etc.). It could make securing a new job easier.
• Volunteering for a charity can expand your network and further your job search. It may also give you a nice warm and fuzzy feeling.

Sitting in a room with other unemployed people was just as important as learning more about unemployment. It was therapeutic, a good reminder that many people are going through the same things. My job search isn’t any easier, and my bills aren’t any more paid. But I do feel better about myself for making the effort. And I’m grateful to Fordham and the panelists for their efforts, on a night when most people probably just wanted to go home and get out of the cold.

It pains me that I can say this with authority, but getting laid off is different every time. Though the end result is always unemployment, each occasion has peculiarities that make it oh so memorable.

My first layoff was extra special (the first time always is). I was working for an Internet startup, in the heady days of the dotcom bubble. The company focused on live music, concert reviews and listings in particular; whether or not this could be monetized was another issue. When we weren’t skateboarding around the office or playing touch football, I was a content editor.

The company’s offices were in some raw space on the top floor of a loft building in the then industrial and now chichi DUMBO neighborhood in Brooklyn. This was a huge step up from the previous office – a big room over a paper disposal plant a few blocks away that doubled as the owner’s apartment. The new space had huge windows with fabulous views of the Manhattan Bridge and downtown Manhattan, some prefab desks and a bunch of computers. That was it.

Things went along swimmingly for the first part of 2000. I got to go to a ton of shows for free, and then write about them. Sometime in there I even got a raise. It wasn’t enough to retire on, but I was happy with it.

Along about September, the company started to run out of money. The CEO called everyone together and said he had enough in the bank to cover the next month or so of operating expenses. (Pizza from Grimaldi’s was probably involved, as every meeting involved pizza… another perk.) He had meetings set up with venture capital firms and was confident he could secure additional financing. But the dotcom bubble was deflating and investors were no longer throwing money at everything. If the trip secured anything, it wasn’t much. I was still getting a check, so I continued to show up every day. It didn’t occur to me that this wouldn’t always be the case. Oh to be young and naive.

After the trip, the plan changed from securing additional funds to selling the company. There had been talks with a couple of suitors in previous months, and those talks were renewed. One even sent a representative to review the company’s systems. It seemed that I would continue to have a job and could net a small windfall from my stock options. Things were looking up, and then they weren’t. In fact the one serious suitor was only interested in bringing the company’s technology in-house, not in carrying on the company as it was.

The paychecks stopped but the talks continued. The CEO was confident that a deal was still possible and encouraged us to continue working to keep the site viable. I showed up for work for a couple days after the company missed my last check. Others didn’t. I worked from home for a few more days, doing the bare minimum. The potential deal fizzled and the company basically ceased to exist, except online. The site remained live on the off chance that another buyer came along. I was unemployed.

My last couple of checks depended on additional cash in the form of more financing or a bridge loan from a new owner. That cash never materialized, so I was essentially out of luck. Needless to say the stock options became worthless too. Over the next week or so, while management was clearing out of the space, some of my co-workers helped themselves to computers and furniture as compensation. I can’t say I blame them.

In this layoff, there was no official meeting, letter or really notification that I was laid off. There was no severance package or continuation of benefits. No one walked me out of the building or FedExed my belongings to my apartment. The CEO just told us that he was no longer able to pay us, so I stopped working. To his credit, he was upfront (if overly optimistic) throughout the whole ordeal, sharing information as he got it. It still would have been nice to get my last two paychecks. I guess I’m just funny like that.