This week on Dancing with the Politicians

Host:

Tonight they have another dance… another chance. Only one can take the trophy. Who will move a little closer? Live from Washington, this is “Dancing with the Politicians.”

I’m Norm Elrod. Tonight is the semi-finals. Let’s welcome our first star.

Dancing the Political Two-Step, former Texas Congressman, Tom DeLay and his partner, his own stupidity…

(Continued)

Twittering my life away (2010-03-08)

What is unemployment anyway?

I’ve been a horrible person. It’s not because I hate you, though I probably do, because I’m a horrible person. How’s that for circular logic? It’s because I’ve been ignoring my blog – the public manifestation of my unemployment. Don’t get me wrong, I love blogging, and have no plans to stop. (And I love you too.) Life just got very busy, in a very good way.

My short-term unemployment status is now in question. I don’t have a full-time job with an annual salary, health insurance and a 401K that will never let me retire. But I do have a desk smaller than a standardized test cubicle from elementary school to sit at every weekday, all day. I do get email reminders to delete files off the server and remove food from the office refrigerator. And I do have an ever-growing to-do list. But the most exciting part… the multiple paychecks in my future. Now if I could only remember how to turn them into those green pieces of paper.

(Continued)

Twittering my life away (2010-03-01)

Twittering my life away (2010-02-22)

You’ve lost that useless feeling

over-developed bodybuilder

They told me the girls would like me more if I got in shape.

I hurt myself at the gym the other day. The exact moment is still fresh in my head. There I was, back flat against the weight bench, two 400-pound dumbbells poised above my head. Nickelback played through the speakers, angering me to the brink of insanity at the unfairness of life. My muscles twitched; sweat dripped off my brow. Four spotters stood at the ready. I brought the weights down to my chest and pushed them back up with a loud grunt. The assembled audience clapped and cheered in adoration. Bob Costas expressed his disbelief to the home audience, using words too big for sports. Only I heard the snap in my chest.

Okay, so maybe it didn’t happen exactly that way. Mike Adamle was doing the play-by-play. Or maybe it was just that creepy gym guy who says random things until he ropes someone into a conversation. And the dumbbells were only 300 pounds each, maybe 250, definitely no less than 200. Fine, I was doing push-ups… lots and lots of push-ups. Are you happy? There are two details I’m sure of: Nickelback playing and being pissed off about Nickelback playing.

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Twittering my life away (2010-02-15)

  • #Dreamhost is killing my website. My server at the hosting company is always down, and so is my website. #
  • I’m not sure if #Lost refers to the characters or the viewers. #
  • My neighborhood becomes like an urban snow globe during snowstorms. The next day it’s a dirty mess. #
  • How a New Jobless Era Will Transfom America. #
  • A good friend of mine recently found a #job so the rumors are true. There are jobs out there somewhere. #
  • I’m trying to see exactly how much I can do with #LinkedIn #in #

Unemployed snow day photo exhibition

I love a good snow day, even when there’s nothing to stay home from. What kid, or kid at heart, doesn’t? To this day, the news radio chimes make me hope for the words, “Montgomery County schools will be closed today,” no matter the time or season. A snow day is special, a surprise holiday, a day off from my problems. It has a calmness to it. Life stopped late last night and will pick up early tomorrow morning. For now, I’m on snow time.

Queens is blanketed by over a foot of snow. It’s currently coming down sideways. I can see out my window for a couple blocks, beyond the subway tracks to the hospital. The Citigroup and Empire State Building have disappeared into the gray. The streets are empty, aside from the occasional car swishing by. The neon store signs are on, but nobody is out shopping. Everything is muffled, quiet. If only my neighborhood were always this way. If only every day were a snow day.

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Twittering my life away (2010-02-08)

  • Watched The Hurt Locker and was reminded of one #job I definitely don't want… bomb technician #
  • I emerged from my apartment and saw my shadow, so I guess that means 6 more weeks of #unemployment #
  • Listening to yet another #webinar trying to learn more stuff that someone will pay me for. #
  • I just figured out after a couple years that the #Digg logo is a man with a shovel. They probably need a better logo. #
  • Want to make #friends bring a plug expander to the #coffee shop. #
  • I don't know if there's anything funnier than a talking meatball. #athf #

Twittering my life away (2010-02-01)