This says "stats." If you had eyes, you'd know. (courtesy of http://www.recruitingblogs.com/)

Three recruiters contacted me last Thursday, all within about an hour of each other. The stars must have aligned just so, creating a world where my resume springs to the top of every job board search for “digital marketing professional.” Does this signal the end of the famine, or the beginning of the famine? I’ll let you know when I eat, or die. Maybe it just means I should buy a lottery ticket.

The first recruiter was filling an in-house search engine marketing position, but expressed concern about my extended unemployment. His clients – potential employers – think there’s a problem when a candidate’s unemployment stretches past six months, horrible job market notwithstanding. Skills deteriorate; people get lazy. The long-term unemployed guy, the thinking goes, must be spending all his free time watching “Roseanne” reruns and inhaling Little Debbie snack cakes by the the pallet. Why hire someone who can barely remember how to bathe himself?

But a job search takes a month for every $10,000 of expected income. If my second grade math skills hold up (it has been 30 years), anyone expecting to make over $60,000 a year (6 X 10,000) may want to reexamine their options. A lower salary may be preferable to perceived obsolescence. I understand the recruiter’s point. I don’t like it, but he’s probably right. The burden is on the job seeker to prove continued relevance in an ultra-competitive job market. It’s nice to know the job of finding a job is that much harder.

I wasn’t really qualified for the opening anyway. We both knew it. I tried to talk my way into a meeting anyway, because that’s what I have to do. He backpedaled away from any sort of firm commitment, like a juggler on a unicycle. Recruiters are good at that. The call ended with his promise to run my resume by the company. Even if he actually does, nothing will come of it.

The second email came from an HR person at a reputable company. I would happily work at this place; I’d even hang out in their cafeteria just to make people think I work there. My qualifications line up nicely with the company’s needs, upon first glance. I followed up by phone but couldn’t get through, not even to a voicemail. So I expressed my interest via email, twice. I’ve yet to hear back, though my fingers and toes are crossed, and crossed again. Typing is painful. I’ll follow up once more, by phone and email, before writing it off. It’s frustrating to fail before actually getting a chance.

The third recruiter left a voicemail message while I was cleaning the kitchen and blasting old Rush albums (Power Windows, Hold Your Fire and Moving Pictures, for those of you who were teenage boys in the 1980s). Following up on an email I never received, he invited me to interview for an account manager position. I don’t remember applying. Nor could I find any record in the vast Excel spreadsheet that tracks my job search exploits. Many open positions don’t include the company’s name or identifying information. So I didn’t think much of it. He left a phone number but no name.

I called back later that afternoon to inquire. A frazzled receptionist who only spoke in rapid fire confirmed the company was interviewing for an account manager. She asked a bunch of questions and then put me on hold. Upon picking up again, she had me repeat everything. She then put me on hold again, picked up again and asked for another recap. We eventually arranged an interview for 10:30 the next day. The company forwarded directions via email later that evening. The email stressed that I should “…dress professionally, and to bring a copy of your resume.” A call confirming the meeting came early the next morning.

The initial phone message and followup email both seemed weird at the time. What recruiter calls and doesn’t leave a name? And when does a company ever remind someone how to dress for an interview? The phone conversation soured me some, but didn’t seem that unusual. Having just wrapped up a stint answering phones, I know all to well that people can be distracted at work.

I researched the company as I always do, reading the website and Googling what I found there. Grammar mistakes and misspellings aside, the website was fine for what the company seemed to be – a small marketing agency. It only contained a few pages and didn’t say much of substance, but many are like that. The Flash elements on the site were pointless and annoying. All in all, though, I’ve seen much worse.

The lack of additional info beyond the website concerned me too. Besides a few online press releases, which anyone with a PRWeb account can post for free, there was nothing. Maybe I didn’t dig enough. But a search on any company name should yield tons of stuff. My name brings up pages and pages of results, not that I ever Google it. I especially don’t search for “Norm Elrod” in my pajamas, late at night, while listening to “Juke Box Hero” on repeat and pining for the fame and fortune I so desperately desire. That would be dysfunctional.

And I am anything but dysfunctional. I may have forgotten marketing and basic math, as far as recruiters are concerned. But I am not dysfunctional. I am desperate however. So I went through with the interview. As my next post will reveal, that was a complete waste of time.

Read Job interview, aka complete waste of time

Norm Elrod
Jackson Heights, NY
joblessandless[at]gmail[dot]com

January 15, 2010

Conan O’Brien
Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien
100 Universal City Plaza
Building 2220
4th floor
Universal City, CA 91608

Dear Conan:

I’m so sorry to learn of your recent job troubles. Employers can be such a pain sometimes. I know from experience, having been laid off four times in the last decade, most recently in October 2008. They never seem to do things right. And the little guy pays for it.

My purpose in reaching out isn’t to belittle employers; they’re already good at making themselves look bad. I’m writing to offer my advice and support in your upcoming unemployment and job search. I’ve been out of work for over a year, applied to hundreds of jobs and networked my way through much of New York City. I know what I’m doing. It’s a difficult job market out there. Decent-paying positions are few and far between, even for those with education and experience. You’ll need expert help to land on your feet.

The first thing to remember is that the pending layoff isn’t your fault. You showed up bright and early to work every day. You were generally funny or interesting or at least amusing to look at. You shot wax replicas of Tom Cruise and The Fonz out of cannons and let company clients, like Bruno, make inappropriate advances. In short, you did your job. NBC is reneging on its end of the deal. This is nothing new; many of my former employers told me my performance was good and my job secure, right up until my layoff. And then they let me go without severance or, once, my last paycheck. Sometimes a situation just isn’t right, and circumstances are beyond your control. Economies tank; television networks program terrible prime-time shows and yield to unfunny has-been celebrities. It happens. Don’t get down about it. A bad attitude won’t help you move forward.

Staying positive may be the hardest part of unemployment, possibly harder than finding a full-time job. I’ll let you know which is worse when I succeed at one of them. The trick, they say, is to start the day strong. Set the alarm for a reasonable hour. I’m guessing your typical day starts around noon. Stick to that. Don’t sleep in, and don’t lay in bed staring at the ceiling wondering if you’ll ever find work again. Get up and get going.

Tackling the day head on will boost your spirits and prepare you to be productive. Keep the same early afternoon ritual… shower, coffee, hair sculpting, Chinese massage, whatever it may be. Those flannel pajamas with pink bunnies and a hole in the crotch may be comfortable, but they’re for lounging around the house. No one in the real world wants to see you in those. Dress for success. You had a dream job, and you will again.

You’ll be commuting down the hall rather than to the studio. Getting a job is your full-time job now. So set aside a little space as an office. This may be hard when sharing a home with a wife and two young kids; I’ve taken over half of the dining room table. But a place to concentrate and work is essential for job search success. Those unemployment checks will stop coming before you know it.

I spent my first few days of unemployment reaching out to contacts. Given the public nature of your employment issues, let’s assume everyone knows you’re in the market. The next step is to sign up for a few of the major job boards… CareerBuilder, HotJobs, Monster. Enter in your resume and click through the pages. See what’s out there for a comedian with network and freelance experience and a degree from Harvard. Then set up some job alerts to ping you with appropriate leads.

A quick search for “talk show host” openings in the Los Angeles area yielded 15 results. There seems to be work as a movie extra. What a coincidence…  I get same sort of listings when looking for marketing jobs. You’re a little gangly and have beady eyes, and competition is fierce for these positions. Given your experience, they might also be a small step back. Sometimes sacrifice is needed to get ahead. But don’t settle just yet. There’s also an opening for a bi-lingual tax preparer and director of catering sales. Both are worth a look, as a part-time change of pace to bring in a little money during the job search. Experts say to allow a month for every $10,000 of annual income you expect to earn. So your unemployment may last for many, many years.

A job search shouldn’t fill every waking hour. You’ll go crazy looking for something that doesn’t seem to want to be found. Find a hobby, a distraction to fill up the days. I started a blog called Jobless and Less about my experiences with unemployment. The idea was to be productive and learn new skills, which I have. You could take to breeding pigeons or scaring children or something. Lots of volunteer organizations need help too. And that’s a good way to network. Regardless, stay active and get out of the house each day. There’s more to life than work, or finding work.

I know this is a lot to digest, particularly while going through a drawn-out layoff. Reading about it day in and day out, combined with news of the nation’s ongoing employment crisis and my own problems, is pretty discouraging.

You’ve given me a lot over the years. So let me extend my offer one step further. Come hang out at my apartment in NYC, and I’ll mentor you in the ways of unemployment. The job market has changed a lot since you were last unemployed many years ago. With the Internet as the main job search tool, the potential for rejection and disappointment has increased exponentially. Let me help you ease into unemployment and what will likely be a prolonged job search.

New York hasn’t changed much since you left, though my neighborhood of Jackson Heights is pretty far from Rockefeller Center, culturally speaking. There’s plenty of room at my dining room table for another laptop. We can comb the job boards together, proof each other’s resumes and lunch at Subway on $5 footlongs (have to watch the pennies now). We can lift weights and play video games to take out our frustrations. And if the wife kicks you out because you can’t provide for her and the kids anymore, you can crash on my couch. Though consumed with worry, you might have trouble sleeping. Carson Daly can help with that.

So that’s my offer: unemployment advice and tutelage. Think it over and contact me at joblessandless[at]gmail[dot]com if you’re interested. In the meantime, I’ll keep my eyes pealed for openings that match your skill set. I hope the layoff goes smoothly and they send you off with a nice severance package and cover your COBRA. And keep your sense of humor; they can’t take that. Good luck.

Norm Elrod

Happy anniversary to me!

Here I am riding another bus, trying do some work and trying not to get motion sickness. Working on the computer while traveling is a much better idea in theory than in practice. The bus ride gives me a solid block of time to concentrate and tick things off my list, or dive into a bigger project. But the bus is filled with other people, some eating, some sleeping, some playing games on iPhones. Headphones and a nose plug block out most of it. Still the space is tight for laptop use and worse, I’m prone to motion sickness.

I started barfing in and out of cars at about six years old. Bumps, quick stops, turns… they all made me sick. Things improved once my parents learned not to put me in the far back seat of the station wagon facing backwards. But trips on hilly roads often still included me losing the contents of my stomach in someone’s bushes – flash fertilizing for random vegetation. I’ve grown out of it a little, but I still avoid reading and sitting backwards in cars, particularly blue 1980 Caprice Classics with AM radios and vinyl seats. Oddly enough, I can read on the subway. Maybe the actual cause of my motion sickness is the bumpiness combined with what my peripheral vision picks up out the window. Remove the random visual stimulus, and the sickness goes away. That’s my theory anyway. I’ll get NIH to look into it.

The bus is a half hour out of New York and all’s well… for the most part. My stomach is mostly calm. The New Jersey Turnpike is flat, straight and moving swiftly. The sky is gray; a little rain is falling. New Jersey is filled with construction and power lines, though greener than expected. The older lady sleeping next to me hasn’t yet co-opted my shoulder. The older guy in front of me stopped trying to cough up the residue of a hundred thousand cigarettes. The Bolt Bus, which I’m riding for the first time, is comfortable enough. The wireless internet doesn’t really work, but the electrical outlet does. So I’m blogging via Microsoft Word. Next week maybe I’ll blog using a 1970s Selectric typewriter or possibly a chisel and stone tablet. And I’ll use smoke signals for tweets. Look east at first light every third day for 140-character updates on my cats and the weather.

It’s a good time to reflect, as soon as I put on some music. Okay, now it’s a good time to reflect. (And sorry for lying; 20 seconds ago in fact was not a good time to reflect.) I just passed the one-year mark of unemployment recently. And this is my 202nd post, the second bicentennial plus two or 1978 – the year I began barfing in earnest. My unemployment insurance will run out by the end of the year. The work landscape is still bleak, as the country is enjoying a jobless recovery. I’m planning a huge party without food, drink, entertainment or people to celebrate it. I’d invite you, but you can’t come, and it won’t be any fun anyway.

I continue to network and send out resumes. Most of my job inquiries are ignored, though people are still receptive to networking requests. They want to help, and are willing to offer their time, expertise and contacts. They just don’t know of any openings. Networking may be the best way to find a job. But it hasn’t worked for me yet.

I haven’t had any in-person interviews in awhile either, which is disconcerting. Screening, pre-interview phone calls come in with some frequency. I research the companies, prepare things to say and present my case with intelligence and grace. All this rarely gets me even a “no thanks” email. Last week I received an email for a screening interview. It stated I would be called between 2:00 and 3:00 the following day. I wasn’t asked about the time, I was told. Not having a choice, I made myself available for that hour, except for a 30-second bathroom break. That’s when the call came in. I returned it and left a message, but haven’t heard anything since.

Maybe my resume is to blame for the overall lack of employer interest, because I’m a real charmer in person. Where I worked and went to school is already determined, though my skill set grows every day. Maybe I could present all my experience more convincingly, in a way that better quantifies my successes. And maybe more concrete measurable numbers would give my descriptions that needed boost. I struggle with this issue during every layoff. The opportunity to have my resume redone professionally for free recently presented itself. And the third draft is looking promising. We’ll see what happens when it’s finished and out in the world.

I started applying for temporary seasonal positions to stave off the end of my unemployment insurance. These jobs pay about the same amount for 40 hours of work as my weekly checks. And working for a couple months now, while seasonal work is available, would push the end of my unemployment to the end of February. So I applied for a couple of positions at a department store you’ve definitely heard of. The whole experience deserves its own post. And now I can write it, because they rejected me. They actually sent me an email saying as much. I was overqualified for the position. I was probably overqualified to run the department. Being overqualified is a legitimate reason for rejection. Companies know that employee is looking to leave, and they’ll be faced with hiring someone else sooner than later. But this was a temporary position, with an end date. And I still didn’t get it. Few things are as depressing as not getting a job you don’t want and are overqualified for.

Nor did I get the pundit position, which was my ticket to fame and stardom. The Washington Post did send me a very nice rejection letter, complete with a link to pursue further opportunities. The link, like me, didn’t work. Pundit is probably not the right position for me. In retrospect, my submission was probably a tad tame and inoffensive. I didn’t call anybody a whore or a communist or a Nazi. And my opinions were reasonable and clearheaded. I guess I really do have a lot to learn about the punditry business. If only I’d barfed up something more bilious, maybe I’d be typing this article from my newspaper desk and not a seat on a bus. Alas, it was not to be.

On the bright side, the job search and the blog go on.

[Note: I wrote this post a couple weeks ago. Technical issues and general busyness have kept me from posting it until today. Sorry for being a terrible person.]

What, no free cookies? What kind of establishment are you running here? I may just have to take my business elsewhere.

The Great Recession is over. At least that’s what everyone keeps telling me. The S&P 500 gained 15.2% from April to June for its best quarter since the fourth quarter of 1998. Retail sales rose 2.7% in August. Existing home sales rose 7.2% in July from a year earlier, to a two-year high. Happy days are here again. Uncork the champagne, plate up the caviar and break out the credit cards. The spending party is about to resume? I’ll be at the As Seen On TV store if any employers want to talk to me. There’s a purple snuggie with my name on it, and the Dentist-in-a-Box will save me a little money.

Unfortunately, hiring doesn’t move lockstep with the economy; it historically lags three to six months behind. Some companies wait to see revenues return before bringing on additional staff. Others wait to know exactly what gaps in their depleted workforce need filling the most. National unemployment – currently 9.7% – is forecast to hit 10% by year’s end. There’s one thing I don’t remember from all those economics classes long ago. If consumer spending accounts for the bulk of all spending and consumers are unemployed or scared to spend, how exactly is the economy pulling out of the recession? Anybody care to explain that to me? Uncle Milty… Papa Kruggy… Zeidy Bernanke… anyone?

I’m not even convinced that the job market will be back in any significant way. Worker productivity rose by 6.6% in the second quarter of 2009, the biggest jump since the summer of 2003. Wages remained stagnant, as they have for years. People are doing more work for the same money, and companies are reaping the benefits. Corporate profits are expected to surge; bullish estimates see 12% growth in both 2010 and 2011. That jump in productivity can be viewed as a loss of jobs. Why hire or re-hire someone to perform a task that’s already getting done? Just turn up the heat on the minions. Future innovation may lead to new types of jobs, though no one can say exactly what those jobs will be and to what extent they’ll offset recession job losses.

While things get back to normal (whatever normal will be), I have to deal with the likelihood that my unemployment will continue for some time. There are a few more jobs out there, but companies still receive hundreds of resumes for each position; the ratio of unemployed to openings is 6:1. They interview the best of the best which, given that I haven’t had an interview in a couple months, doesn’t seem to include me. I beg (as well as plead, beseech, entreat and supplicate) to differ, of course. I think I would be an invaluable employee for any company that hired me. So to date, I haven’t been willing to settle for less than I deserve. My previous salary was already on the low end for MBAs with work experience. Compromising seemed unnecessary.

That is about to change. The clock on my unemployment insurance is running down, and the end-of-the-year deadline looms large. This week I began actively seeking jobs that would be a step down. I don’t mean a big, digging in trashcans for recyclables-kind of step. The illegal aliens that roam the Jackson Heights streets with shopping carts collecting cans have that lucrative business locked up. This is a smaller step. I’m now applying for positions beneath my pay grade and skill level, even entry-level if the company is in a strong growth field. I’d be hard-pressed to turn down an offer – any offer – in online marketing, for example. The MBA will likely come off of my resume, at least one version of it. I’ve also started looking for work outside of marketing. Proofreading – one of my fallback skills – is one option. Sales is another, though I’d really prefer it not to be. We’ll see what kind of results I get in the next few weeks. As the time ticks away, I will widen my scope. That’s how desperation works.

If you’re unemployed, you have a good sense of the job market. But things are actually worse.  My wife sent me this Bloomberg story yesterday afternoon…

U.S. Payrolls Post Biggest Annual Drop Since 1945

This morning I saw a similar story on the front page of the New York Times…

Jobless Rate Hits 7.2%, a 16-Year High

CNN ran their version of the story while I was at the gym this morning, complete with partisan bickering. (It hurt my head just to watch, even with the volume turned down.) And I saw some homeless guy peeing on an office building wall – no doubt, his personal commentary on the state of the economy and the companies that put us here. Needless to say, this is a big story, and everybody’s talking.

Here’s the situation. The U.S. lost more than half a million jobs in December, pushing the total number of unemployed up to 11.1 million. This figure almost doubles if one counts the underemployed (part-time workers seeking more hours) and those who have given up looking. Consumers are scared, so they’re not spending money. Employers are scared, so they’re reducing payrolls to stay liquid. Norm is scared, so he continues to blog away his fears. The incoming Obama administration is eager to implement a multifaceted stimulus package, which may boost confidence immediately but will otherwise take months to show any real effects. The outgoing Bush administration has its collective thumb up its collective ass. Experts see unemployment reaching 10% in the second quarter and plateauing there until well after the recession ends.

It seems like any job search is a futile waste of time in this climate. So the question the jobless masses may be asking is, “why bother doing anything at all?” I’ll tell you why. Continuing a job search provides the chance to find something, while doing nothing leads to nothing. There are still jobs out there – maybe not good jobs or relevant jobs, but jobs. The education and healthcare fields, for example, both enjoyed modest job growth last month. It may be worth focusing your efforts there. The Economy is in a recession, meaning economic activity has slowed somewhat but not stopped altogether. Companies still need people to work.

This is also the perfect time to do all the necessary job search legwork – the stuff that reveals openings and puts you in the position to apply immediately. Here’s a list of activities that could yield results…

• Research jobs and fields of employment beyond what you’re used to.
• Create different versions of your resume and cover letter for those jobs and fields.
• Explore all the general and company-specific job boards you don’t normally use and create applicant profiles.
• Reconnect with people in your network.
• Become (or remain) active in LinkedIn, Facebook and other social networking sites to expand your network.

When the job market improves, you’ll be prepared, or already gainfully employed.

Unless you’re in dire financial straits, looking for work all day is overkill, even in a good job market. Some time would be well spent learning new skills or practicing hobbies which could theoretically lead to work. Ever wonder how writers become employed writers? You have the time and hopefully the inclination to improve yourself. And online resources are abundant and cheap (or free). This is a great time to become more employable, and expand the realm of opportunities.

A bad job market is a terrible excuse to do nothing.  But it’s a perfect opportunity to get your ducks in a row and improve your skill set.  And when the recession clears, you may find yourself in a better position than before. Turn off the news and get to work, you unemployed slacker!