Category Archives: Benefits of Unemployment

The Queens unemployment workout

Unemployment took away my last excuse not to go to the gym… work. And for that I will never forgive it. If you’re reading this, unemployment, consider yourself out of the will. The cats now get my ever-shrinking pile of assets. (Wifey will have to take it up with the furry ones.) My gym membership […]

Where, oh where can I be?

Wifey and I don’t watch that much current TV. I kind of keep up with The Daily Show. Accurate and unbiased news has to come from somewhere, and that Jon Stewart guy seems like the trustworthy sort. Wifey breaks down doors to see the white trash train wreck that is Bret Michaels’ love life. Both […]

Recession Survival Fair – June 6

Unemployment doesn’t leave me huge amounts of free time. On the contrary, I tend to stay pretty damn busy. Even days with light schedules tend to fill up quickly with other activities that had been pushed down the to-do list. While I’ve been bored often – job sites don’t make for interesting reading – I […]

While the owner is away, the pets do nothing all day

Two questions have plagued pet owners for ages. What does my pet do all day while I’m at work? And am I a bad person for leaving them alone? Let’s take care of the second and easier question first. Yes, you’re a terrible person who doesn’t deserve to live. As for the first, the answer […]

A man and his cookie – a dream comes true… a Lifetime original movie, presented by Nabisco

Jackson Heights is known for great food, and much of it inexpensive. Four of New York Magazine’s top five food carts set up near my apartment. Some of the city’s best Thai food is within walking distance. And Pio Pio, what the food Gods envisioned when they made chicken edible, is also just a jaunt […]

What happens when I can’t afford a Mets ticket

Attending a midweek afternoon baseball game is the height of unemployment decadence. I developed a taste for it after my 2008 layoff. Shea Stadium – the New York Mets‘ old home field – was only a few subway stops from my apartment. And an upper reserve seat behind home plate could be had for $5-$10 […]

Take my wife… but have her back by next week

I received a pretty awesome email last week… so awesome that I immediately forwarded it to wifey with the message, “I’ll file this under WTF.” She fainted from excitement; it seems this email marked the first step in fulfilling a lifelong dream. Her coworkers brought her back to consciousness with Ethel Merman tunes and smelling […]

Still gay for the Pet Shop Boys after all these years

My music taste is all over the map. It has been ever since Dad brought home a U2 album way back in 1984, forcing me to realize that everything else I liked sucked. Much of my collection falls in one of the following categories… depressing, suicide-inducing, singer-songwriter stuff droney, feedback-laden guitar rock poppy poppiness with […]

Unemployment has made me that guy

Who to talk to and who to avoid? This question has plagued humans since one caveman rolled his eyes at another grunting and pointing at a rock, and then tried to extricate himself from the conversation. “Look, dumb ass,” he was probably thinking, “I know what a rock is for. And when you shut up, […]

The cycle of feeling sorry for myself

Every so often a funk grabs a hold of me, for no good reason. And not the sequined Rick James funk of awesomeness either. I feel sorry for myself. I lament my unemployment and the general state of my life. I start to envy all the things everyone else has and I don’t – big […]