This week on Dancing with the Politicians

Host:

Tonight they have another dance… another chance. Only one can take the trophy. Who will move a little closer? Live from Washington, this is “Dancing with the Politicians.”

I’m Norm Elrod. Tonight is the cheapest mail order viagra semi-finals. Let’s welcome our first star.

Dancing the Political Two-Step, former Texas Congressman, Tom DeLay and his partner, his own stupidity…

Host:

Let’s hear what the judges have to say.

Judge 1:

I’ve seen some of the legends perform this dance… Kennedy, Nixon, Reagan, Clinton. And let me just say that you nailed it. The setup step – what some call the “bait” – was smooth and effortless. You took over the mic and dropped the most salacious quote I’ve heard in years. “All unemployed people want to be unemployed” is so ridiculous that people can’t help repeat it. And repeat it they will. But no Political Two-Step is complete without the walk-away. You teased us with just a vague hint of context. No elaboration… you let the meaningless words speak for themselves. That was pure magic to watch. Tom, you’re truly one of the masters.

Judge 2:

I have to agree. That was artistry in motion. The dance seemed simple in its execution, and the dancer void of a functioning brain. But that’s the uninhibited beauty you bring to it. The easier it looks, the harder it is.

Judge 3:

I felt my hips go boom, boom, boom. And then my stomach turned, a little bile came up into my throat and I tasted that tuna fish sandwich I had for lunch. But in a good way.

Host:

As we say goodnight, let’s thank everyone who makes this possible… the Republicans, the Democrats, the media and everyone who pays attention to politics rather than something useful. See you next week for our grand finale, when Tom shows us the Political Side-Step. Perhaps he’ll claim to be taken out of context. Maybe he’ll go the passive, mistakes-were-made route. Or he could simply claim to have never spoken the words. Tune in and find out.

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4 Comments

  1. TW wrote:

    Although it pains me to sort of agree with a Republican, I agree with Mr. Delay to an extent. I JUST got a job this past week, and although I did keep up a job hunt throughout my unemployment, sometimes a week would go by and I wouldn’t submit an application. Granted there weren’t many postings to submit to at times. Still, I would have had a greater sense of urgency if I knew I had a month before benefits ran out.

    Two of my friends rode unemployment out until the last month, conducted a quick job hunt, and snagged jobs. This was a few years ago though, and that’s where I disagree with DeLay.

    Right now there are simply fewer jobs than people. So, even if everyone had a giant fire under their butts, the math wouldn’t work out. That’s why I believe extensions are the compassionate thing to do. Plus, if the big banks get a bailout, then little folk should too!

    I know plenty of unemployed people with families and houses would instantly ramp up their job hunt, but in my late 20 something age group with no kids, unemployment can almost be a blessing. Almost.

    Friday, March 12, 2010 at 9:46 am | Permalink
  2. Lama wrote:

    Nice spin Norm. I guess we know which show you’ve been watching instead of job hunting! Must not be a Survivor or Idol fan- or will that be the angle for commenting about his retractless coverup…

    So, maybe Delay’s comments would have some merit if said outside of a recession where companies aren’t hiring and competition is beyond fierce for the sprinkling of opportunities out there. Yes, in the 90’s and early ‘oughts’, money and jobs were flowing like the tequila luge at a frat party, and if you were on the dole, you were only a week away from your next gig, so no rush. Bet he still thinks that DotComs are the hot investments too. Instead he said them in the middle of our nasty recession, where jobs are now (supposedly) the government’s #1 priority (or is it healthcare?) and he still believed it.

    The whole reason for the extension is the lack of a job market, not the laziness of the job seeker.

    C’mon you ignorant republican politicians, God is not going to suddenly appear and fix things (or smite those Dems) just cause you pray for it… How do we let these morons not only get ELECTED into public office, but become the House Majority leader? AARRRGGHH!!

    Saturday, March 13, 2010 at 12:22 am | Permalink
  3. kelby2012 wrote:

    REDONKULUS is the first thing that comes to mind, unless you are living in your parents basement, the money from unemployment benefits is no motivator for not looking for a job. I don’t know what alternate reality this politician is living in, or maybe he was a lousy math student in school. Because just doing a simple math word problem, any village idiot can see being unemployed and receiving benefits sucks.

    For example: Assuming you get the max for my neck of the woods $320 a week, and no taxes taken out. That is $1,280 a month. Just calculating Rent/Mortgage $1,500 and car note $500 a month, a person is $720 in the hole if there is no spouse or savings have been depleted.

    So why in the name of Odin would that person be motivated to ride on unemployment benefits and coupon cialis 5 mg not look for a job. This is the type of rhetoric that pisses me off, the politicians are clueless. I suggest we get rid of them all, build a giant dart board, crate in a bunch of monkeys and let them decide what should be passed or denied. I am willing to bet the monkeys probably won’t do any worse….lol.

    Saturday, March 13, 2010 at 1:48 pm | Permalink
  4. Patte wrote:

    Oh Norm why doesn’t SNL hire you and they could be edgy and make intelligent social commentary again….

    By the way KELBY, I love the monkey idea!

    Saturday, April 17, 2010 at 12:37 pm | Permalink