Take my wife… but have her back by next week

I received a pretty awesome email last week… so awesome that I immediately forwarded it to wifey with the message, “I’ll file this under WTF.” She fainted from excitement; it seems this email marked the first step in fulfilling a lifelong dream. Her coworkers brought her back to consciousness with Ethel Merman tunes and smelling salts. When she regained her senses – or lost them for good – she cleared her afternoon schedule and set about determining exactly how to qualify.

The message came from a casting producer at the reality show Wife Swap. They are looking for recession victims to cast in their upcoming season. The premise of the show is that wives from two families with different values, backgrounds and experiences switch places for a week. (Presumably they share a willingness to embarrass oneself on national television.) Violence and/or hilarity ensues. Reality does not.

Wifey and I qualify in every way but one – kids. We don’t have any. We brainstormed some ways to quickly obtain a little person, making our family whole in the eyes of Reality TV. Borrowing a nephew was the most feasible. But the only one who fits the age parameters hasn’t looked up from his Nintendo DS in approximately 47 months. Not recognizing “my son” wouldn’t be very believable. Paying a neighborhood kid was another possibility, but a far too creepy one. And Google searches for “Gary Coleman’s phone number” only led me here and here. All the other options involved breaking some laws (beyond those of good taste), so I won’t get into them. Let’s just say that I’d probably end up sharing much smaller living quarters with a much bigger, hairier companion, for the next eight to ten years.

Because we’re all friends here in unemployment-land and everyone can use a little awesomeness, the email is below. Contact me at joblessandless[at]gmail[dot]com if you’re interested in swapping wives for America. I’ll put you in touch, and laugh at you on TV in the near future.

My name is XXXX XXXXXX and I am a Casting Producer for ABC families hit reality show ‘Wife Swap.’ We are currently casting for our fifth season and we are looking for families who have been victims of this tough economy.  If you’ve been laid off due to cutbacks, then I want to talk to you!

The premise of Wife Swap is simple: for seven days, two wives from two different families with very different values exchange husbands, children and lives (but not bedrooms) to discover what it’s like to live a different family’s life. It’s an interesting social experiment and a great way to see your family in a whole new light. It is shot as a documentary series, so NO scripts and no set. It’s just a small camera crew that is documenting your life.

Families that appear on the show will receive a generous financial honorarium and if you refer a family that appears on the show you would receive $1000.

Here at ‘Wife Swap’ we look for a two-parent home with at least one child between the ages of 6 and 17 living at home full time.

If you are interested, please email me your contact information and tell me a little about your family. Or if you would like to refer a family, please email me their contact information and I will be in touch.

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2 Comments

  1. Bridget wrote:

    For a few weeks, I was addicted to Wife Swap repeats on Lifetime. It would’ve been amazing if you got stuck with some church harpy from rural Missouri. Although, not so awesome if your wifey had to tend to her 8 children and overbearing husband — who is AGAINST WOMEN WORKING OUTSIDE THE HOME!

    Thursday, May 7, 2009 at 9:37 am | Permalink
  2. SUPL Blog wrote:

    Ha. I got this too and thought about getting a fake family just to be on depressing TV.

    Monday, May 11, 2009 at 6:02 pm | Permalink

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