Home, home on the couch… where the bad 80s videos play

Cats are like pillows... meowing, scratching pillows that destroy furniture

Cats are like pillows... meowing, scratching pillows that destroy furniture.

I usually set up shop for my unemployed day at my desk or the dining room table. Both have benefits and drawbacks. The Ethernet cable comes to my desk, so the internet is about as fast as it can be on a dying computer. But my desk could be declared a federal disaster area, maybe even that whole half of the room. At the very least the wearing of a hardhat should be required. The pile system of organization has failed me quite spectacularly. The dining room table, on the other hand, allows me to spread out. But then I’m at the mercy of the wireless. Those who’ve tackled a wonky job site on a suspect wireless connection understand my pain. It’s enough to drive a person to maim or kill otherwise innocent laptops. Besides, the dining room chairs are only good for about an hour of sitting before my rear end falls asleep. I’ve taken to sitting on an old pillow; the cats have started rumors about my chronic hemorrhoids.

I decided to try something different today… working from the couch in front of the TV. To be fair, I have computed on the couch while watching television on many occasions. Isn’t that why 81.4% of laptop owners (but only 2 out of 5 dentists, weird) buy them to begin with? Usually I camp out there at night when I’m just screwing around on Facebook or Wikipedia (nerds in the hizz-ouse). Today there was real work to do.

I turned on the TV and started flipping through channels, 2… 3… 4… This way of finding interesting programming drives my wife bananas; she can’t take it. But it works for me, and has since the dawn of the remote control age (not to be confused with, but no less important than, the Ice Age or the Stone Age). I know full well that most of the channels will be carrying crap. Most channels haven’t aired a decent program since debuting, and they weren’t going to start at 10:30 on a Wednesday morning.

My expectations were pretty low. I just wanted something less than horrifying to provide some background noise and a distraction when a page took its sweet time loading. It was still slim pickins… mostly soap operas, morning shows and old television. After a few minutes I landed on VH1 Classic (channel 136 on Time Warner Cable here in NYC). The skies opened up and the angels descended, wearing leg warmers, parachute pants and way too much hair product. “Totally 80s” was exactly what I was looking for. As Kenny Loggins sang about being “Footloose” and Kevin Bacon danced around a mill looking all angsty (the adults in this town don’t understand us kids… we just gotta dance!), I set about finding a job, again.

All the videos were bad, but some fell squarely in the “so-bad-it’s-good” category. Here’s a taste…

I even learned a few things…

  • Eddie Murphy’s girl wants to party all the time, not just sometimes, all the damn time.
  • Even when Rick James wasn’t on crack, he was on crack.
  • Phil Collins never had hair and should always wear a shirt.

There might be a small chance that I’m a fraction of an inch closer to gainful employment. The gods could smile and grant me a callback on one of the two resumes I submitted. I’m not holding my breath (because then I would suffocate and die). But as these videos prove, stranger things have happened.

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  1. Jenn wrote:

    I love your sense of humor! Just think, your brain is loving the blast from the past, although your butt may not agree! Keep up the job search fellow layoff-ee. You’ve got some talent in writing for sure.

    Thursday, March 12, 2009 at 4:12 am | Permalink
  2. Unemployed 2 wrote:

    We look forward to your posts! Please keep us in the loop over your progress. What advice do you have for employers with a long laundry lists of requirements yet offering 1/3 of the industry standard for the job? Im seeing this alot. ALOT more work = A LOT less money. Im not even sure what is worse!

    Thursday, March 12, 2009 at 12:27 pm | Permalink
  3. Dalilama wrote:

    I recently found the 80’s and 90’s stations on Sirius and have enjoyed the throwback memories from each song, in addition to finally tying the music to the right artist and song title since they’re shown on the screen. Why RDS couldn’t have existed back when I was a child. You know how good my music knowledge has always been…

    Dip Dink…

    Thursday, March 12, 2009 at 11:15 pm | Permalink
  4. Norm wrote:

    Now let’s hope that Sirius XM doesn’t go belly up. Try VH1 Classic sometime. You’ll be hard-pressed to recall what we found so cool about those music videos. Maybe it was just the novelty of it all.

    Thursday, March 12, 2009 at 11:22 pm | Permalink
  5. InTheHand wrote:

    Van Halen ‘Jump’ is a vivid memory from my childhood- 80’s nostalgia is a kind of ‘comfort TV,’ like ‘comfort food.’

    p.s. That’s an extremely cool couch.

    Friday, March 13, 2009 at 10:58 am | Permalink
  6. Norm wrote:

    Thanks, I wish I could take credit for the couch (and the VH video). Alas, my wife picked it out and her aunt and uncle got it for us as a wedding gift.

    Friday, March 13, 2009 at 12:22 pm | Permalink

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