My spam is better than your spam

spam 300x268 My spam is better than your spamMmm, mmm, gross.

Because my resume is posted everywhere, job sites, recruiters and job search companies spam the crap out of me. Some emails are intended to be helpful – 10 tips to improve your resume, 8 ways to turbo-charge your job search, 6 reasons not to drink whatever you find under the sink and end the misery. Some offer jobs that don’t remotely suit or interest me; at least once a week I’m recruited to be a nurse. The real point of course is to get me or keep me visiting their site.

Some of the stuff I receive is extra brilliant, in a so bad it’s good kind of way. Whoever sent it clearly has no clue who I am or what I’m looking for. And they don’t care. They want my personal info and eventually my money. What a wonderful world we live in where people try to scam the unemployed. As soon as I get the money that Nigerian government official promised me, I can forget about this job search nonsense.

Today’s winning spam comes from Charles Williams, Senior Vice President for DBP Execusearch. I wouldn’t reveal names if he were a real person at a real company. But since it’s so obviously a scam, all bets are off. Take it away, Chuck…

Are you still in the market?

[For what… a parakeet, some slammin’ rims for my new Hummer, a cookie? Then that would be a definite maybe. Please tempt me some more, Chuck. Show me the way.]

We felt your resume indicated that we may have immediate openings at DBP that could be right for you. However, if you are interested, we need some added information.

[Are you sure you want to commit to “resume” and “indicated” there, Chuck? There’s room to be even more vague. “Resume”  could be “resume/CV/online application/graffiti on truck stop bathroom wall.” That would work better. I still get a whiff of meaning from the first version. Or the cat just took a dump in the litter box. Who can really tell?]

Delany enjoys a growing reputation as a fast growing recruiting service. our clients include small and large employers, growth companies, and Fortune 1,000 corporations. We deal only in professional and executive openings and there are no fees.

[That’s a whole lot of growing to be enjoying in a down economy, Chuck. Must mean you really know what you’re doing, or Bernie Madoff is running things. Either way, good luck with that.]

To register with us, as well as to review current situations at your income level and cialis free sample coupon in your geographic area, please do the following:

[“Situations,” well that sounds pretty fancy, Chuck. But I’d expect nothing less from DBP aka DBP Execusearch aka Delany aka Delaney, Byczinski and Potamkin aka Management Jobs. Here’s my credit card number. Sign me up!]

Click on http://www.managementjobs.com/site.data/3

[Glad to see you splurged for the best graphic designers in the biz to create and scan in your blurry collateral. And making the whole page a giant link… pure marketing genius, Chuck. Who wants to have to aim? I’d only suggest that next time you spring for a new tie for homeslice with the mustache. Just a thought.]

The “register now” button will take you to the profile information that we need.

Regards,

Charles Williams, Senior Vice President

Unemployed man’s best spammer friend returns

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24 Comments

  1. K wrote:

    I don’t want to be another annoying person trying to make money off of somebody, because I’m really not that interested in that. I’m a stay-at-home Mom and have plenty to deal with there. However, I ran across this blog site in a newspaper and thought you may be interested in a new and booming company that has recently been brought to my attention. The company is ExFuze, LLC. I know network marketing gets a bad rap, but trust me, in economic downturns, they seem to do the best. This company has an amazing product, and awesome compensation plan, and is in the early stages so it’s a prime time to be involved. This isn’t a joke, but a real opportunity to make a living. Check out the website at http://www.exfuze.com. E-mail me @ kandacewittwer@hotmail.com if you’re interested. Best of Luck.

    Friday, February 13, 2009 at 7:01 pm | Permalink
  2. Norm wrote:

    I love that my first comment to a post about spam is itself spam. That’s just too perfect not to post. So if anyone wants in on this beverage pyramid scheme, give Kandace a shout. It looks like a new and exciting way to lose your shirt.

    Friday, February 13, 2009 at 9:37 pm | Permalink
  3. Tina wrote:

    Gotta love irony! You can only hope that her email address gets picked up by every spider/bot out there and price for viagra gets spammed to no-mans land.

    Saturday, February 14, 2009 at 9:30 am | Permalink
  4. Judi wrote:

    I must say you are very brave to post your resume online.

    I’ve tried that long ago and only got worthless spam.

    Saturday, February 21, 2009 at 2:23 pm | Permalink
  5. Karol wrote:

    I have tried applying on line to several jobs since my lay off. It is discouraging to say the lease how much spam I get in a day. If you fill out an application on line, you can bet someone is offering you a work at home job,with fees of course. Or I get millions of emails for information on schools and furthing my education. First, I am not paying for information on a job, I NEED A JOB> I need to work. YOU pay me! I also cannot afford to go back to school. I have bills that take priority and owing a tuition fee is not one of them. I am sick of sickos sending me their Russian Bride ads. I am female, and married with 3 grown children! I am sick of people telling me the millions they make on the internet. If you are that rich, help the unemployed! Spammers- don’t they just make your day??!!!

    Friday, February 27, 2009 at 2:05 pm | Permalink
  6. Suzanne wrote:

    I just started browsing your blog and I came across this posting. This posting gave me a good chuckle! I have to agree – I posted my resume on Craig’s list a few months back and boy was I spammed. It was ridiculous!

    Tuesday, March 3, 2009 at 10:55 pm | Permalink
  7. Job Hunter wrote:

    I have had my share of spammers too. I finally changed my resume and took out any references to groups, instructing or consulting and legally purchase viagra it slowed them down a bit.

    Tuesday, March 10, 2009 at 3:26 pm | Permalink
  8. Funny, Charles Williams has sent me several emails as well. DBP likes to email me each time I update my resume.

    The last time I updated it, it caused me to write: “Spam Causes Global Warming or You know I want a Job and you don’t have one so don’t email me”
    http://adventuresinecommerce.com/2009/02/25/spam-causes-global-warming-or-you-know-i-want-a-job-and-you-dont-have-one-so-dont-email-me/

    I am also amused by the nurse recruitment… as someone with an ecommerce and photography background. I can see where it would be a perfect fit. No?

    Wednesday, March 18, 2009 at 3:08 pm | Permalink
  9. James wrote:

    Thanks for the feedback Norm! I too received a “love letter” from Charles with the very same hokey website. My recommendation to my fellow job seekers is to do some old-fashion research on your industry and contact the companies directly. I found employment that way with my last two jobs. Recruiters are different creature, but are for the most part a necessary evil.

    James

    Friday, March 20, 2009 at 1:39 pm | Permalink
  10. Fabrizi wrote:

    I loved this post, I had my resume up on one site for about two days when the spamming started; since then I have taken it down and I still continue to get spam at least 6 a day (which isn’t much compared to some other people), but what I love is the “job opportunities” are always from international firms that want to pay me $60k a year to work from home and the email always comes from a “gmail” address. I wonder if people actually respond to this garbage, but its just sad how many people get taken advantage of in these situations and how many heartless crocks are out there taking advantage of the downtrodden.

    Tuesday, April 14, 2009 at 4:57 pm | Permalink
  11. x-wizard wrote:

    I get a lot of spam, too, in response to my resume. Some of it says that my resume indicates I would be perfect for jobs they have for warehouse workers or forklift operators. Funny, given my background is in technology, product management ad business development. I also have been inundated with e-mails from insurance companies that want me to “work for myself, but not by myself.” i.e. start my own insurance agency, selling their products, and pay them lots of money for leads to make no salary and only a pittance of a commission from them. No thanks.

    Friday, May 1, 2009 at 5:44 pm | Permalink
  12. LeAnn wrote:

    I am curious, we all agree that SPAM is a waste of time and such a pain – would anyone want it regulated? Freedom on the internet is great but at some point the bogus junk starts to take over the valid information. I would love to see a non-governmental entity involved in monitoring (and getting rid of) the garbage that is now flooding our e-mails and the internet. I wondered if anyone agrees. ???

    Sunday, May 3, 2009 at 10:40 am | Permalink
  13. johnny wrote:

    he\s back i just that email bullshit i really wanted to call the number

    Thursday, June 11, 2009 at 2:02 pm | Permalink
  14. Tom wrote:

    Yep. I got that one to. In mine, the web link did not work. truly pointless spam.

    “The human gene pool has a lever marked FLUSH. Some should use it”

    http://www.virginunemployed.com

    Thursday, June 25, 2009 at 2:22 am | Permalink
  15. Gary Moffatt wrote:

    I hate those jokey Nigerians, especially those that kidnap you and hold you for ransom if you show up for a job interview. I am selling stuff because every employer in my business is telling me they might start hiring next year (and they were saying the same last December).

    Sunday, July 5, 2009 at 11:57 pm | Permalink
  16. Julie wrote:

    Had to just add that today was classic: Charls spelled wrong!

    Monday, July 6, 2009 at 8:47 am | Permalink
  17. K Leonard wrote:

    I just got mine, but from Charls Williams, looks like he forgot the e in his own name this time. I had my resume up for months on Monster, Dice, and The Ladders and had never gotten spam. Within 24 hours of posting to Yahoo! Hot Jobs the spam started pouring in.

    Monday, July 27, 2009 at 10:07 pm | Permalink
  18. Chuck Baeten wrote:

    I just got my Spam letter today from Charles Williams, Senior Vice President for DBP Execusearch.

    Just as you discribed in My Spam is better than your Spam.

    Thanks for saving me the grief! As if being unemployed is not bad enough!

    Thursday, September 17, 2009 at 9:01 pm | Permalink
  19. Tyler wrote:

    i got the EXACT same message from this chuck fellow. hahah maybe we will be working together at this bullshit company. i feel the same way you do, i post a resume and all i get is worthless spam messages. whats a guy to do?!

    Saturday, December 5, 2009 at 5:14 pm | Permalink
  20. M Davis wrote:

    Charles Williams, Senior Vice President for DBP Execusearch is still alive and well. Received my personal invite for employment this week. It’s a shame that people capitalize on anothers stressfull situations.

    Wednesday, December 23, 2009 at 12:12 pm | Permalink
  21. Steve wrote:

    Thank your the heads-up. Recieved it today.

    Delany, Byczinski & Potamkin
    West Loop Center, 10 Riverside Plaza, Suite 1800
    Chicago, IL 60606
    Phone: 312-474-6018 FAX: 877-222-8019

    Are you still in the market?

    We felt your resume indicated that we may have immediate openings at DBP that could be right for you. However, if you are interested, we need some added information.

    Delaney enjoys a growing reputation as a fast growing recruiting service. Our clients include small and large employers, growth companies, and Fortune 1,000 corporations. We deal only in professional and executive openings and there are no fees.

    To register with us, as well as to review current situations at your income level and in your geographic area, please do the following.

    Click on http://jobs15.dbpexecusearch.com

    The “Post Resume” button will take you to the profile information that we need.

    Regards,

    Charles Williams
    Senior Vice President

    Monday, February 15, 2010 at 11:20 pm | Permalink
  22. Great text and nice blog.

    Wednesday, August 18, 2010 at 8:27 am | Permalink
  23. “This is my first publish on this internet site and all i can say is thank you for all these useful information! In the event you allow, I’d like to use some of your content. I write articles for article directories as my portion time job. I am willing to refernce your website in these articles. Kindly get back again to me via email ASAP. “

    Monday, September 27, 2010 at 4:05 am | Permalink
  24. Norm wrote:

    Thank you for the spam comment on my post about spam. I look forward to receiving more spam from you.

    Monday, September 27, 2010 at 4:32 am | Permalink

4 Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. aburgardt (Achim Burgardt) on Monday, May 4, 2009 at 12:18 am

    Just got that email from Charles William .. LOL.. spammers leave me alone! http://tinyurl.com/cfmgo3

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    […] or at least the perception of desperation, makes you an easy target. Norm discussed some of his experiences on Jobless and Less a few months back. Unemployed people need to be active in looking for work. But […]

  3. How job sites annoy me... let me count the ways | Jobless and Less on Wednesday, September 23, 2009 at 9:25 pm

    […] that sell off my information to spammers, who then bombard me with travel deals and Viagra ads. The spam arrives in my otherwise pristine inbox within minutes of uploading a resume. It can’t be a […]

  4. […] Our last correspondence gave me so much hope. He promised to find me the job of my dreams, and I believed him. Why wouldn’t I?  He’d picked me – and me alone – to contact, out of all the job candidates in the world. And he had access to situations at my income level and in my geographic area. This was more of a sure thing than the lottery, or the Redskins winning another Super Bowl in my lifetime. All he needed to get started was my bank account number, my pin and my mother’s maiden name. My social security number would help too, though Chuck (we were good friends by this point) considered that more of a nice-to-have than a requirement. I gave everything willingly, knowing that my personal information is a small, though necessary, price to pay for employment happiness. Online solicitors are the most trustworthy of businessmen. And such requirements are not unusual in the job search process. This is how reputable employment agencies find work for shrewd job seekers like me. […]