Layoff Tracker roars past the half million mark!

The Jobless and Less Layoff Tracker roared past the half million mark yesterday, landing at 548,549 announced layoffs. This is an exciting moment in the short history of my blog and the long history of our country. And by exciting, I mean absolutely terrifying. 

It seems like only four months ago I was being laid off, and only three months ago I was thinking up a domain name and learning how to add. And now, with the help of the internet, my trusty calculator and corporations everywhere, the Jobless and Less Layoff Tracker is an important source for biting commentary on the companies downsizing the economy and its workers into oblivion. 

I’d like to personally recognize all the fine corporations that contributed to my efforts. CitiGroup is our largest contributor to date, with 50,000 layoffs announced. I’m reminded of your generosity every time I glance out my window and see the monstrosity that is your Long Island City office building. It’s like a shining beacon of hope… for a very dim future.

Circuit City (34,000 layoffs) has taught me so much over the years. Our history goes back to my childhood. It was you, CC, that taught me the real meaning of “warranty” – beat the hell out of it so I can get the newer model for free. I can’t help thinking that all those replacement Walkmen (and your crappy stores, of course) contributed to your downfall. This guilt is my cross to bear.

General Motors (47,000 layoffs) is the surprising last-minute donor that pushed us past this great milestone. While GM’s initial 2000 layoffs were quite generous, the company’s latest efforts place it among the very best. So while you may be irrelevant in the business of cars, you’re a star in the business of layoffs. Hopefully the U.S. government will continue their support, and help you to lay off more workers in the future. The fine people of Michigan look forward to their tax dollars funding their own job loss.

CitiGroup, Circuit City, General Motors… you made the Jobless and Less Layoff Tracker what it is. We can never repay you, even if we wanted to. But many other companies helped make this momentous occasion possible. A few hundred layoffs here and a couple thousand layoffs there may seem small in some circles. But think of all the lives that have been touched. It really adds up. And let’s take a moment to recognize all the companies that didn’t make the list. If I could track every announced layoff, from every company great and small, we’d be celebrating a much greater milestone today.

Keep up the good work, corporate America. We’re counting on you!

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7 Comments

  1. Tina wrote:

    I appreciate the sarcasm and total corporate disclosure! It’s like a Ginzu Knife commercial (sp?)…”But WAIT…there’s MORE. Yes indeed fellow Americans, if only 3 out of 10 of your neighbors are currently unemployed just wait…soon it will be 5 out of ten…they’ll be cutting through tin cans just to get to the sweet nectar at the bottom because WE GOT AWAY WITH TAKING EVERYTHING!!!”…

    OY! The COBRA changes help me significantly. Unfortunately we have yet to see the bottom of this cr*p. Things will get worse. But sooner or later…they will get better.

    I want and DESERVE 1/10 of what Madoff has in his off shore accounts. 🙂

    OK, that was my rant for the day. Thanks for providing a place to vent. I spent my day dealing with insurance, my old HR, and our drs. Enough to drive anyone toward a blog!

    Friday, February 20, 2009 at 1:50 am | Permalink
  2. Ben Bloom wrote:

    Circuit City taught me about price matching- remember the commercial where the kid walks in with his Walkman and newspaper ad and gets cash for the difference, plus 10%? Wacky. By the end of CC I was just glad if what I bought lasted more than a week.

    Friday, February 20, 2009 at 10:36 am | Permalink
  3. Judi wrote:

    Hi there,

    It’s obvious that big corporations are taking part of this layoff phenomenon. Is it because they’re really hurting that bad, or are they protecting their image, as in, ‘look at us America! We’re hurting too! Feel sorry for us.’ I think there’s a conspiracy.

    Saturday, February 21, 2009 at 2:19 pm | Permalink
  4. Norm wrote:

    I would guess it’s probably both. I make light of the situation, but many companies are in very real danger. They’re cutting workers so they don’t go out of business. Many are also looking for a little empathy and a government hand out. Who knows? In uncertain times, companies do what they have to to stay alive.

    Saturday, February 21, 2009 at 3:45 pm | Permalink
  5. Johnhenion wrote:

    Hilarious.

    Saturday, February 21, 2009 at 3:54 pm | Permalink
  6. texaspete wrote:

    Circuit City taught me about layaway and how doing away with it in lieu of credit leaves one worse off.

    Tuesday, March 3, 2009 at 10:42 pm | Permalink
  7. Marge Geneverra wrote:

    These layoff numbers are actually good news.

    Every quarter, when a megacorp reports bad numbers, the CEO needs to announce massive layoffs to convince investors that he’s doing something to counter the losses.

    After all these layoffs, they can’t keep doing this. Pretty soon they will run out of people to lay off and then they’ll need to start hiring large numbers of people for the CEO to lay off if the numbers are bad.

    Tuesday, March 17, 2009 at 8:27 pm | Permalink

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  1. […] General Motors (47000 layoffs) is the surprising last-minute donor that pushed us past this great milestone. While GM ’s initial 2000 layoffs were quite generous, the company’s latest efforts place it among the very best. …Read More […]