Host:
Tonight they have another dance… another chance. Only one can take the trophy. Who will move a little closer? Live from Washington, this is “Dancing with the Politicians.”
I’m Norm Elrod. Tonight is the semi-finals. Let’s welcome our first star.
Dancing the Political Two-Step, former Texas Congressman, Tom DeLay and his partner, his own stupidity…
Host:
Let’s hear what the judges have to say.
Judge 1:
I’ve seen some of the legends perform this dance… Kennedy, Nixon, Reagan, Clinton. And let me just say that you nailed it. The setup step – what some call the “bait” – was smooth and effortless. You took over the mic and dropped the most salacious quote I’ve heard in years. “All unemployed people want to be unemployed” is so ridiculous that people can’t help repeat it. And repeat it they will. But no Political Two-Step is complete without the walk-away. You teased us with just a vague hint of context. No elaboration… you let the meaningless words speak for themselves. That was pure magic to watch. Tom, you’re truly one of the masters.
Judge 2:
I have to agree. That was artistry in motion. The dance seemed simple in its execution, and the dancer void of a functioning brain. But that’s the uninhibited beauty you bring to it. The easier it looks, the harder it is.
Judge 3:
I felt my hips go boom, boom, boom. And then my stomach turned, a little bile came up into my throat and I tasted that tuna fish sandwich I had for lunch. But in a good way.
Host:
As we say goodnight, let’s thank everyone who makes this possible… the Republicans, the Democrats, the media and everyone who pays attention to politics rather than something useful. See you next week for our grand finale, when Tom shows us the Political Side-Step. Perhaps he’ll claim to be taken out of context. Maybe he’ll go the passive, mistakes-were-made route. Or he could simply claim to have never spoken the words. Tune in and find out.
